Ah, December.
A month where you’re somehow expected to be:
- festive
- rested
- emotionally regulated
- socially available
- generous
- endlessly cheerful
- AND still performing at work
Meanwhile, your nervous system is like:
“Um… we’re already full, thanks.”
If holidays bring up more stress than joy, you’re not alone.
For many women and couples I work with in Fort Myers, this season triggers old family dynamics, pressure to please, and a deep sense of emotional overload.
Let’s talk about how to set boundaries — and actually hold them — without drowning in guilt.
- Boundaries aren’t about controlling other people. They’re about protecting you.
You are not responsible for:
- your mom’s disappointment
- your uncle’s opinions
- your sibling’s passive-aggressive comments
- your extended family’s expectations
You ARE responsible for:
- your energy
- your emotional bandwidth
- your wellbeing
- your peace
Boundaries are not walls.
They’re filters.
- Get honest about what drains you.
Before you even think about holiday plans, ask yourself:
- Which events actually replenish me?
- Which ones drain the life out of me?
- Where do I feel obligated rather than connected?
- Where do I leave feeling small, frustrated, or overstimulated?
Your body knows before your brain does.
Pay attention.
- You don’t need a permission slip to say no.
Say it with me:
“No.”
Not:
- “Maybe…”
- “Let me think…”
- “We’ll try to stop by…”
- “I’ll see what we can do…”
Just: “No, we won’t be able to make it this year.”
You don’t owe a dissertation.
You don’t owe emotional caretaking.
You don’t owe an explanation.
- Guilt doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It means you’re growing.
Women are conditioned to:
- sacrifice
- over-function
- smooth things over
- keep everyone happy
- abandon their own needs
So when you finally DO choose yourself?
Guilt will show up.
Let it.
It will pass.
You’re not doing anything wrong — you’re breaking old patterns.
- Create new traditions that feel like YOU.
Traditions should feel supportive, not suffocating.
Maybe this year looks like:
- a quiet Christmas morning
- a no-gift agreement
- a smaller dinner with people who actually fill your cup
- a beach walk instead of an all-day marathon of events
- staying home and resting (yes, this counts)
Holidays should reflect who you are now — not who you were at 12.
- You deserve peace during this season.
Boundaries aren’t selfish.
They’re self-respect.
If you’ve forgotten what it feels like to enjoy the holidays, therapy can help you explore the patterns, guilt, and family dynamics getting in the way — and help you create something calmer, healthier, and more aligned.
